Every now and then it becomes fashionable to say you’re quitting Facebook. That social network everyone pretends to hate but secretly checks every ten seconds. I’ve wanted to quit for years and I complain daily about how boring it is, but I checked it about a minute before I started writing this article and will probably check it at least twice before I am finished.

Here’s 10 reasons why you will never actually quit Facie, and while you’ll actually be on it forever. Forever.

1. How you will remember anybody’s birthday? Actually? And do you think you’d ever feel as special as you do with all those happy birthday messages without your Timeline?

2. How will you stalk that blonde girl with the red lipstick who keeps appearing in your ex boyfriend’s photos, who keeps commenting on his page?

3. Are you ever going to go back to emailing semi-friends and waiting an hour to send entire photo albums?

4. Are you going to ask people you’ve just met for their phone number and become friends via text message? Doubtful. Also, if you don’t have Facebook, how will you contact people if you don’t have their phone number or email address? At least Facebook allows you to reach anyone, anytime, anywhere.6

5. How will you play Candycrush?

6. One of the actual good things about Facebook is how you can use it to login to other sites. If you don’t have Facebook, you have to fill in those registration forms every.single.time.

7. Events. I can’t remember the last time I got invited to a party, a gig, gallery opening or even a barbecue via a phone call or text, unless it was an event of someone I’m in constant contact with. Without Facebook, you can be certain you’ll get dropped off invite lists.

8. We can all pretend to care about privacy issues. Remember the old days when you would never enter your credit card online? Or use your real name for things? Now we check in, like and buy everything and The Internet knows everything about you.

9. How will you show yourself off? From boasting about your new job, your new house, new baby, new hair cut, we like to advertise ourselves, and we like how we feel when we get all tghose likes and comments. Without Facebook, you have to wait until you see people to tell them about new goings on, and we all like instant gratification.

10. Current events. Like it or not, Facebook is a great platform for voicing your opinion on anything and everything. Whether it be the recent election, a news item, a celebrity dying... Facebook is there to bring you the news.