Okay, deep breath: for whatever reason (and I’m not here to judge) you want dating advice from your phone. Well have you tried Dating Tips and Tricks? (Again, I’m not judging.)
There are lots of apps out there like this and lots of them are misogynistically awful. This one is a bit awful too, but more because it’s clunky and ugly rather than evil. The layout isn’t great but it’s effective, I guess, leaving you to focus on the ‘advice’:
Ask questions about the things the person you are flirting with is talking about to show you are listening and interested, even if you’re not
But despite a gem like this, there isn’t much of the Pick-Up Artist vomit – it’s all sort of general advice about how to talk to people, and noticeably gender-neutral. No mention of ‘negging’ or rohypnol here, folks.
Of course the pick-up lines are every bit as cringe-worthy as you’d expect:
(while looking at stars) I didn’t see any stars in the sky tonight, the most heavenly body was standing right next to me.
Bleaugh. But, you know, at least they skew more cheesy than creepy. And the first date ideas, while pretty reasonable, are presented so curtly and earnestly that I couldn’t help but be amused:
A trip to the zoo. Everyone likes animals so a trip to the zoo makes for a perfect date.
Attend a live, outdoor music night in your town.
The best thing is that the text is scaled to fill the page, so those last two are effectively shouted at you.
The ads are pretty dominant, and they’re all ads for other apps from the same company. At the bottom of the screen, along with the usual home button and share button is a button that takes you to their Play Store. This is on every page. They really want you to download their apps.
We all know you can’t get any useful advice on human interaction from a free phone app. Right? Reassure me on this. Anyone downloading this app is either doing it for some ironic giggles or because they’re twelve. If you want the giggles, you could do worse (although you could probably do better, there are bound to be funnier apps out there with less obtrusive ads). If you’re the twelve year old who genuinely wants some dating advice then here’s some: stop looking at your phone. It won’t help.