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Age of Adaline.. more like ages of boredom

I’ve struggled to start this review because even thinking about the story of Age of Adaline makes my eyelids heavy, my brain switch off and my will to live disappear.

The romantic drama about a woman who, by means of a car accident and some magical lightning, remains forever a 29 year old, is the most boring movie you will ever see in your life.

If Blake Lively is attempting to transition into a ‘serious actress’ by way of doing lifeless, chemistry-free performances, she is well on her way.

Her character, Adaline, is living a solitary life as a 29 year old who has been that age for the last 80 years. In order to protect her secret and not be tested on by the FBI (um okay), Adaline moves town and changes her identity every decade. Until, surprise, she meets Ellis, a man who ‘reignites’ her passion and who she simply can’t resist after their five minute meeting in an elevator.

Of course, Ellis is equally smitten with Adaline and doesn’t give up pursuing her, even though she tries (not really) to brush him off. What happened to just telling people you’re not keen?

After a whirlwind romance of two or so days, Ellis invites Adaline to meet his parents (what?!), and, BIG TWIST, turns out Ellis’ dad is none other than Harrison Ford who Adaline banged in the 60s! Ha. Ha. Ha. Who’s your daddy.

Harrison Ford recognises Adaline straight away, obviously, so she comes up with a story about how the woman he dated all those years ago was in fact her mother. ‘What are the chances!’ Ellis exclaims. Dude. Your girlfriend is secretly 100 and touched your dad’s naughty parts.

So it all unravels from there, really.

Blake Lively is so beautiful that you don’t really mind looking at her for two hours, but if I ever have to listen to her annoying, fake, put-on old American accent again I will stick needles in my ears. She is so dull, her character is so ridiculous; I just don’t understand why she decided to act this way in the film. The film needed some spark, and she had none. It needed some depth, some fire, but it was like Lively was on diazepam.

The only hope the film had was Ellen Burstyn being in it. But by the end, all I could think was that Burstyn had some hell debts to pay because that could be the only reason she was in the film.

Harrison Ford did play his character well. You could tell his character really did love Adaline, and his heart was all messed up inside when he saw her again all those years later. But, if I’m honest, he was a little too intense. I thought I was going to see a Harrison Ford pash scene with a 20-something year old and I was not keen for that at all.

Obviously I did not enjoy this film. I don’t know who will. There were some really cute puppies in it and the at one point the characters played Trivial Pursuit and I like that game. Oh and the end was good because that meant it was over and I could leave.